Tuesday, 23 July 2013 09:51

7 Reasons Your Car Should Have a Twitter Account

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Everyone is on Twitter. Friends, family, and even escaped zoo animals. If your mom isn't on it yet, she will be...soon. And you should delete your account before she ruins life. Like she did when she joined Facebook. Chances are that you are only being followed by other desperate people, "sock-puppet" accounts, cam girls, and bots. So, your online social life is just a few weak heartbeats away from digital cardiac arrest anyway. This is why it is time to create a Twitter account for your car. Need 7 reasons? Well, here they are.

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1. People really only pay attention to things they find entertaining online. People eventually get sick of their friends on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, etc. just as fast as they get sick of them in real life. Pretty soon they will stop paying attention. But notice how LOL Cats from I Can Has Cheezeburger still get record traffic. While your life may be lame people will like to hear about it from your car's perspective. Everything from the "last call" hook-ups' next morning drive home to intentionally over-heating while on your way to a job interview. It's new. Done right, people will pay attention. AN you will get some serious mileage (pun intended) out of the idea.


2. Run over your followers, feature them in your "back-up" cam. Since the concept of the wise guy car having a Twitter account is new your car can have its own signature schtick. It will most likely grow in popularity and you might even get celebrities following you hoping to appear to get run over and appear on the "back-up" cam. Sounds corny? Just think, LOL Cats, still popular. Learn Photoshop.

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3. You already treat your car like a person. So the only thing that is stopping you from giving it a voice online is a short account set-up process. Ever take your car by a place where they have used cars for sale, as if you were setting it up on a blind date? Well, do it. You're going to need female followers and straight car talk is guaranteed girl repellent. Plus this is not really about the car.


4. Roadkill. Ever step in gum? You discover it by having something slightly sticky on the sole of your shoe. But you are never really sure it is gum until you can actually take a look. Ever run an animal over? A lot of times you have no idea what it was until you can get a look at it. The car is a slave to roadkill incidents. Imagine if someone was controlling you and you were heading straight for gum, or a pile of manure, and there is nothing you can do...

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5. Attach Yourself to a Celebrity. Has someone made a pure ass of themselves in the public eye lately? As a car you can go undercover, pose with other cars for sale, and claim you have been purchased by the target celebrity. Or attach yourself to a celebrity who never causes a stir; like James May. Imagine the fun you could have with the perfect gentleman who happens to be a classically trained pianist.


6. The gullible will believe you. Give a good back story and make it sound as if real artificial intelligence, similar to KIT in Knight Rider. Warn others that there may be misspellings, incorrectly used words, etc. as the A.I. learns the language proper as well as slang, across social media. Sit back and watch the unfortunate argue about every made up detail.


7. You are unemployed. Really, what else are you doing? You have moved out of your flat and you're back with your mum. Others have gotten rich and popular with social media and now you have just been handed a viable idea with the initial brainstorming done. You're bloody welcome.

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